Monday, July 09, 2012

Taco Bell's Cantina Bell Menu is Terrible

promo_CantinaBurritoChicken
What a surprise. Actual burrito looks nothing like this.

I thought I’d never have to blog about Taco Bell ever again. Not after I declared them dead to me for what they did to the 1980’s Taco Bell.

But now Taco Bell has launched their new Cantina Bell menu, which was created by Chef Lorena Garcia. That’s okay, I’ve never heard of her either. But lots of people on the internet have and they have been giving the new Cantina Bell menu rave reviews. And not just people on Yelp who will like everything. These are people who actually get paid to eat food and tell you what they think of it. The new menu has been compared to Chipotle. It’s Taco Bell’s entry into the fast-casual they say. Westword.com says "Taco Bell's Cantina Bell Menu May Make Chipotle a Little Nervous." The OC Register says that the “Taco Bell Cantina Bell Menu Beats Chipotle.”

IMG_3886
this is just weird

IMG_3891
actual burrito

So I ordered the chicken burrito, which came to $4.79. A bit expensive for Taco Bell I thought and I yearned for the days when three bucks would get me 4 hard shell tacos and a cinnamon crispas.

I’m not sure what to say about this burrito other than it’s terrible. Ok, I will say a few things. There’s hardly any chicken, which at first is a disappointment until you taste the chicken and then realize that it’s pre-cooked, fake pressed meat, and flavorless. There’s some kind of green sauce that is gross, there’s fucking lettuce, there are dry flavorless black beans, and there is white rice. The only thing this burrito has in common with Chipotle is the white rice. What’s so special about white rice? Apparently serving a burrito with white rice makes you fast casual now.

It’s probably the worst burrito I’ve ever had.

Give it up Taco Bell. Do us all a favor and dig up those 1980’s recipes and start giving us what we really want.

19 comments:

  1. Chipotle sucks too.

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  2. Great review but could do without the "F" bomb.

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  3. Don't use the F words in reviews.

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  4. I'm not surprised that this sucks. But can't be much worse than Chipotle, because Chipotle is terrible.

    And spare the moralism on f....

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  5. Bring back the Bell Beefer & the pinto beans with cheese and that wonderful sauce!

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  6. Bring back The Bell Beefer with cheese & the pinto beans with cheese and that wonderful sauce/salsa.

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  7. sorry guys...i can't help dropping f-bombs when it comes to taco smell

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    Replies
    1. Good job describing this crappy cantiina junk. Every ingredient tastes per fabricated / frozen and the puke green salsa sucks!

      Keep it up and don't listen to those gringo pnks.

      Delete
  8. In high school (90s not 80s) I used to get high as an arch bishop and gobble up mad tacos and quesadillas. Once I was a hero because I did a 1am run and brought back 100 tacos for a house party. Then one afternoon when the town was dry I went to the bell for lunch. Sober, I realized what a fool I'd been. Now even when I'm high I can't abide by it and anyway now I live in LA and have good tacos anywhere I look. Take away the billion dollar ad campaign and these guys would be out of business in LA in 24 hours.

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  9. How can people compare this c.rap to Chipotle? Really, maybe people that like Taco Bell cantina are fine wh eating gross pre fabricated food like a frozen dinner but maybe they should think a little more about the taste and quality of food that you put into your body.

    Chipotle = sustainable ingredients & amazing taste
    Taco Bell = heart disease, dog food, diarreah

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  10. How can people compare this c.rap to Chipotle? Really, maybe people that like Taco Bell cantina are fine wh eating gross pre fabricated food like a frozen dinner but maybe they should think a little more about the taste and quality of food that you put into your body.

    Chipotle = sustainable ingredients & amazing taste
    Taco Bell = heart disease, dog food, diarreah

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  11. This guy writes am honest review and all you idiots can take out of It is the fuckimg f bomb... Fuckin panzys. Take a review for what it's worth. Not a single word. Great review. And 80s 90s taco bell we will miss you. Now it just keeps getting worse.

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  12. This new chicken they came out with might taste good when the Headquarters makes it. There is a big difference between a world known chef mixing the sauce and some 7 dollar an hour cook who mixes the sauce in the morning to use for the rest of the day. BRING BACK THE OLD CHICKEN!

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  13. Great review. Lorena Garcia should give them back whatever money they paid her plus damages for lost customers. They even ruined their freaking taco salad by putting that unspeakably nasty rice in it. Rice in a freaking taco salad?!? Who thought that was a good idea?

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  14. Cantina bell jiack ..camole shi...taste horrible

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  15. 7layer ruined too by that damnable rice. Cant go back there.

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  16. I think saying "fuck" really helped express just how disgusted you were. Fuck anybody who says otherwise. And fuck Lorena Garcia. In her ass.

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  17. I agree. Taco Bell food tastes awful. It's tasteless and looks bad too. Used to be better years ago.

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